Nils

Several nights ago, I dreamt that I was killing Ronald, one of my classmates. But when I woke up, I wasn't feeling as if I had made a terrible nightmare. It was a wonderful dream. I can't explain it, even me. When I think of it now, I am even more enthusiastic. It was an extreme satisfaction to wake up with this horrible dream in mind. It had never happened to me before. Ronald is not a child that I don't like; he is just part of the herd of students. The first thing that I did that day, was to tell somebody what happened that night. I couldn't have done something stupider. Why? Because I'm not a "cool guy", because I'm not someone that other people wants to be seen with. So I could be sure that everybody would know it within two days. So why have I told it? Why have I cut the rope of the guillotine myself? Maybe because of my lack of friends, because I need to talk, to tell my problems to somebody, and I can't. Two days later, my suspicions were confirmed, everybody at school was looking at me as a psycho. That night, I was full of sadness, but not only sadness, I also had the obsession. Yes I was obsessed by him, Ronald. I couldn't stop thinking of him. The protagonists of my compositions were based on him. I wanted to act like him, to talk like him. Every time I watched him, I wanted to kill him, and to kiss him. Every night I made insomnias thinking of him, the other students were avoiding me more and more. This couldn't continue, so I killed him, I'll spare you the details of the murder, but yes, I killed him. It was as good as the dream, even more. As I am not a professional killer, the police will probably find me soon. And if they find this letter, it would bring me to a lifetime detention in a psychiatric hospital. So why do I write it? I don't know, I really don't…